Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
vagina is talking i cant
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
