I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
