When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
