Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
