I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
