TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
