I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
