I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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