Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
