Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
