Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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