her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
