dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You smell like stripper and shame
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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