At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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