I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
