Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
