You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
