Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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