girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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