He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
