What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
