she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
