allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
