he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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