Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
