We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
