He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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