it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
