Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
