If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
