we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
