Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think im going to throw up on grandma
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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