apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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