I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I'm really busy with my period
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