Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
