sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
