Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
