You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
