I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i need some magic done to my vagina
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
