can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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