My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize