I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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