also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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