I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize