watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
