my shit smells like andre
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
