If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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