Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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