Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
