yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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