That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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