dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize