I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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