Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
