i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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