i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
