Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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