Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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