I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize