I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
