she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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