Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
