I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
