im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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